What to do if I think someone is suicidal: Advice and Support
Suicide means intentionally ending one’s life. Many people struggle with suicidal thoughts every day, but not everyone who has these thoughts wants to die; many are looking for relief from pain or difficult situations. Suicidal thoughts can happen often, occasionally, or rarely. They can be hard to understand and frightening for both the person experiencing them and their loved ones.
People often hide their true feelings by smiling and nodding in social situations. Many find it hard to talk about suicidal thoughts because they worry about how others will react and struggle to find the right words. This can lead them to hide their feelings, making it hard for friends and family to see when someone is in pain.
People with suicidal thoughts often feel hopeless and worthless. They can feel trapped in their pain and may not see positive things in life, like family or future hopes. These feelings often come from painful experiences and losses. They may feel guilty and ashamed, making death seem like the only way out.
There are numerous factors that can put someone at risk of considering suicide. These factors include current mental health issues, past trauma or abuse, stressors such as a failed relationship or job loss, and major life events. Interestingly, even positive changes in a person's life can contribute to the stress and pressure they are struggling to cope with.
More information on the risk factors for suicide can be found on the suicide advice page of our website HERE.
It’s important to recognise that everyone needs their own personal reasons to live. When someone is feeling overwhelmed by pain, it can be vital to provide them with the support they need to discover those reasons. Remember, not everyone who experiences suicidal thoughts has a mental health issue, and not everyone with a diagnosed mental illness will necessarily think about suicide.
We should all understand that preventing suicide is a shared responsibility. The reality is that one in five people will have thoughts of suicide at some point in their lives. Many of us have been touched by suicide, either directly or indirectly, but it’s crucial to know that it is not inevitable and can be prevented.
If you suspect that someone you care about is contemplating suicide, it can be heart-wrenching. However, there are many ways you can offer them support and guidance as they navigate these difficult emotions. You are not alone in this, and your compassion can make a difference.
Do people “threaten” suicide to get attention?
Suicidal thoughts or actions are a sign of extreme distress and an indicator that someone needs help. Talking about wanting to die by suicide is not a typical response to stress. Maybe it’s a shout for help or maybe they are dangerously close to going through with it. Either way, all talk of suicide should be taken seriously and requires immediate attention.
The first step in addressing the issue of suicide is to recognise when someone may be in crisis. A noticeable change in a person’s personality or behaviour could indicate that they are experiencing suicidal thoughts. While you may be the best judge of whether someone you know is acting differently, being aware of the specific signs to look for can be crucial.
The following items can be warning signs that someone may be at immediate risk of attempting suicide.
- Talking about suicide/wanting to die or wanting to kill themselves Talking about even in a vague or joking way
- Talking about feeling empty or hopeless or having no reason to live
- Talking about feeling trapped or feeling that there are no solutions
- Feeling unbearable emotional or physical pain
- Talking about being a burden to others
- Withdrawing from family and friends. They might not want to socialise like they used to or be very quiet when they do socialise.
- Saying goodbye to friends and family or sending out messages as if they won’t see them again
- Putting affairs in order, such as giving away important belongings or making a will
- Taking great risks that could lead to death, such as driving extremely fast
- Talking or thinking about death often
- Losing interest in things, this could be work, sex or activities they used to enjoy
Other serious warning signs that someone may be at risk for attempting suicide include:
- Displaying extreme mood swings, suddenly changing from very sad to very calm or happy
- Making a plan or looking for ways to kill themselves, such as searching for lethal methods online, stockpiling pills, or buying a gun
- Talking about feeling great guilt or shame
- Increased alcohol or drug abuse
- Acting anxious or agitated
- Changes to their routine, like sleeping and eating
- Seeming flat or low on energy
- Being more confrontational, irritable or angry than usual
- Neglecting themselves, showering less, or caring less about their personal appearance
- Acting recklessly, such as taking risks they wouldn’t normally or making rash decisions
- Becoming quiet and distant
- Saying they can’t see a way out of a difficult situation
- Finding it hard to cope with daily issues like problems with work or studying
- Constantly putting themselves down or saying negative things about themselves
- Suddenly change their behaviour. For example, seeming motivated or happy after a long period of feeling low without any explanation. Sometimes people act this way when they've decided to take their own life.
Recognising when something is wrong can sometimes be challenging. For instance, cheerfulness may seem insincere, or a person might joke about serious emotions, making alarming comments disguised as humour.
While everyone is different, many warning signs can be similar. It's important to watch for these signs in your friends and loved ones. Suicidal thoughts can occur in anyone and may vary in how they present. Some individuals experience them briefly, while others may struggle with them over time, often influenced by mood changes or life events. With the right support, these feelings can be managed.
If you're concerned about someone, make an effort to stay in regular contact. Consider doing an activity together and having an open conversation. It’s perfectly okay to discuss difficult topics, including suicide, as this can help us navigate tough times.
Remember that a person's outward happiness or seemingly perfect life does not always reflect their internal struggles. Understanding how others feel can be difficult, especially if you’re not familiar with their usual behaviour or don’t see them often. If you happen to miss the signs that someone is in distress, please don’t blame yourself.
If you’re worried that someone you care about might be struggling with thoughts of suicide, it's completely understandable to feel uncertain about how to help. Having this conversation can be scary and challenging, and you may have various reasons for hesitating. You might worry about offending them or fear their reaction. However, showing someone you care won’t damage your relationship, but saying nothing could result in losing them forever.
Perhaps you’re concerned that they will say ‘YES’ and you will be left with the responsibility of ‘fixing’ them or their problems, and you’re uncertain whether you can manage that task. It’s natural to feel scared, but you don’t have to bear this responsibility alone, and there is plenty of help available.
The most important thing you can do is to encourage them to talk about their feelings. This can open the door to further assistance. The most effective approach is to ask them directly how they are feeling, allowing them the opportunity to share what they’re going through. It can be difficult to ask someone how they are really doing, often leading to a strained response of "I'm good." Discussing suicide can feel awkward and intimidating, making it easy to avoid delving deeper, even when you suspect that something is wrong.
However, open and compassionate conversations about suicide are crucial for those in crisis and can reduce the likelihood of harmful actions. You don’t need to be a mental health professional to offer support; simply being willing to listen can make a difference. Asking someone if they are thinking about suicide can be the first step toward getting them the help they need.
Could asking someone if they’re suicidal put the idea in their head?
It’s completely understandable to feel anxious about bringing up the topic of suicide; you might worry it could encourage someone to act on their feelings. However, talking about it can actually have a positive impact. Open conversations about suicide can allow someone to express their emotions and seek the help they need, which is so important.
When you reach out and ask thoughtful questions, you show that you genuinely care. This can help someone feel less isolated and more willing to share what they're going through. By creating a safe and supportive space, you give them the chance to open up and remind them they’re not a burden.
It’s also a great opportunity to explore possible support options, including professional help, if they're open to it. I know that discussing these topics can feel daunting, but if you sense that someone is struggling or having suicidal thoughts, having that conversation is so vital. Your compassion and concern can truly make a difference in their life.
We appreciate that having this conversation with someone is difficult. So here are some of our top tips for things to consider.
Be willing to talk and listen
If you want guidance on how to ask someone about suicide, visit www.samh.org.uk for information and advice.
- Picking a time and place: Choosing when and where to have this conversation is important. It’s essential to respect privacy and minimise the chances of interruptions. You want to ensure that the other person doesn’t feel cornered or overly anxious about being overheard by others. However, if the situation feels like an emergency, there may not be time for a delicate approach, and addressing it immediately could be the best option. Waiting too long might mean missing the opportunity to address the issue effectively.
- Stay calm and control your expressions: Hearing that someone is feeling suicidal can be shocking and upsetting. However, it's crucial to stay calm and supportive. It's normal to experience a range of emotions, including fear or anger, but try to ensure that any negative reactions do not show on your face or through your body language. Remaining calm will help the person feel more at ease as well.
- Be honest and direct: There is still a taboo around discussing suicide, making it difficult for individuals to open up. It's important to be direct about your concerns. You can say, "I'm worried about you," and ask, "Are you having thoughts of suicide?" or "It seems like you might be considering taking your own life; is that right?" This can encourage someone to share their feelings.
- Ask questions: Some people respond better to open-ended questions that encourage them to share more than just 'yes' or 'no.' For example, asking "How have you been feeling?" can prompt them to talk, allowing you to gather more information. However, some individuals may find such questions overwhelming. In these cases, it can be more effective to ask direct questions that require a simple 'yes' or 'no' answer. This approach can help them open up at a pace that feels more comfortable for them. It may also be helpful to ask them what they prefer in terms of communication style during the conversation.
- Be patient and ready to listen: Focus on the other person and what they are saying. Maintain eye contact and stay engaged, but try not to be too pushy. It's natural to feel anxious while waiting for their responses, but allow them the time they need to open up, as this can require both time and effort on their part. Avoid rushing to fill silences, as they may be gathering their thoughts and preparing what they want to say. Be patient, and if they aren’t ready to talk, don’t hesitate to ask again at another time. Let them know you are always available to listen.
- Take them seriously: People often believe that if someone talks about suicide frequently, they will never actually go through with it. However, it is crucial to treat every mention of suicide seriously, regardless of how often it occurs. Whether a person is simply expressing their feelings during a moment of despair or is actively planning to end their life, it's important to take their words seriously. Always assume that they are sincere about their feelings of suicidality and address their concerns with care. Do not undermine their feelings; reassure them that you believe them and that you want to support them.
- Try not to judge or make them feel guilty: You might feel shocked, upset or frightened. But it's important not to blame the person for how they're feeling or make them feel guilty for the thoughts they are having. Saying 'people would be sad' if they died. Or that it's 'selfish' for them to feel this way will only make them feel worse. They've taken a big step by telling you and can’t help how they feel.
- Let them know you care: You can gently remind them that they are cared for and loved, and that help is available. Be supportive and encourage the person to seek assistance, while also letting them know that you are always there for them and willing to support them through this difficult time. Reassure them by saying something such as “I want to support you and I’ll be here if you want to talk more later”
- Try not to make assumptions: Let them tell you how they feel, and why. Try not to assume that you already know what may have caused their feelings, or what will help.
- Plan what you are going to say: How we say things can be as important as what we say. How we talk about suicide is important if we want to encourage people to open up if they are struggling with suicidal thoughts. The words we use can also add to stigma around suicide for those struggling and for those bereaved by suicide. Avoid using terms such as “committing suicide,” “successful suicide,” or “failed suicide” when referring to suicide and suicide attempts, as these terms often carry negative meanings. Avoid phrases like: You’re not going to do anything silly are you? Are you thinking of ending it all? Shining the light on suicide has a great advice leaflet on how to change our language about suicide to avoid negative connotations which can be found HERE. or you might like to read the Stop Suicide Organisation leaflet on how to talk to someone who is suicidal HERE.
Learn to Save a Life training
If you’re nervous about approaching someone who you feel is suicidal you may benefit from training. Zero Suicide Alliance has created free online training which only lasts 20-minutes and can give you the skills to feel confident in approaching and helping someone who is feeling suicidal.
What if they say they're not suicidal, but I'm still worried?
If someone tells you they aren't feeling suicidal but you still have concerns about their wellbeing, let them know that you are there for them if they ever need to talk. It’s important to show that you care, offer your support, and continue checking in with them. They may take some time to feel comfortable opening up or may prefer to speak with someone else, such as a general practitioner (GP) or a helpline. Remind them that there are always people available to listen and support them if needed. Encouraging them to seek professional help and offering to be there while they make the call can be reassuring. Regular visits, calls, or texts can help them feel less isolated and build trust.
What to avoid
Don't downplay how they are feeling. Avoid telling them they have no reason to feel that way or comparing their situation to someone else's that seems worse. You can never fully understand what another person is going through, and making such comparisons will only lead them to feel insignificant and guilty for not coping better, especially when they see others managing despite their struggles.
It might be tempting to change the subject or ask unrelated questions to distract them, but doing so will only make them feel that you don't care and aren't interested in their experiences.
Avoid telling them you know how they feel or comparing their feelings to your own personal experiences. This isn't about you—it's about them. Such statements are not helpful and can be counterproductive.
Please check the “What to Do When I’m Feeling Suicidal” section of our website.
You can help individuals manage suicidal thoughts in various ways. You could assist them in creating a safety plan, help connect them with support services, and identify activities that boost their self-esteem or instil hope. Many of the suggestions below can be enhanced by understanding what they can do to help themselves. Learn about the different ways they can improve their well-being, and develop a plan to support them in these efforts.
You can find all this information and more via the link below.
Don't worry about having all the answers. Simply listening to someone and taking their feelings seriously can be incredibly helpful. Once the conversation starts and they begin to open up, it is important to maintain communication and be prepared to support them.
You don’t need to solve their problems; just being a good listener and showing understanding can make a difference. If possible, offer your support and encourage them to express their feelings.
Try to arrange to speak with them again at a specific time. This demonstrates your ongoing support and helps them feel valued, while also giving them something to look forward to.
Taking simple actions can help you be there for someone experiencing suicidal thoughts or recovering from an attempt to take their own life. People who have felt suicidal often express relief at being able to share what they are going through.
You may feel uncomfortable when talking about suicidal feelings and might not know what to say. This is completely normal. However, one of the most important things you can do is be present for them. Let them know that you care and that support is available.
Below you will find a collection of our top tips for helping someone you care about cope with suicidal feelings
Be compassionate and encouraging
Empathise with them and be aware that you don’t know exactly how they feel. Avoid making assumptions about their emotions or what might help them. You could say something like, “I can’t imagine how painful this is for you, but I’d like to try to understand.” Let them know that you care about them and that they are not alone. Acknowledge that it’s difficult to talk about suicide and try not to change the subject or only focus on the positive aspects of their life. Instead, just listen and try to see things from their perspective. Listening in a compassionate, timely, and non-judgmental way is one of the most helpful things you can do.
Encourage them to express their feelings, whether to you or to someone else they trust. They might also consider talking with a mental health helpline, as they may feel more comfortable discussing their feelings over the phone or online rather than face-to-face.
Be Ready to listen
Listening—truly listening—is challenging. We must resist the urge to interrupt with comments or advice. It's crucial to hear not only the facts but also the feelings behind them, understanding the situation from the other person's perspective.
Repeat their words in your own language to show you are listening and to clarify your understanding. Focus on listening instead of solving their problems immediately. Often, just having someone listen and showing that they are there for them during a distressing time can be comforting and helpful.
Help them find hope
Help the person find hope and their reasons for living. Encourage them to understand that suicidal thoughts may stem from underlying distress. It’s important to validate their feelings while gently suggesting that their deeper wish is to experience relief and healing rather than to end their life. Reassure them that these feelings are not permanent and that the intensity can lessen with time. Remind them that it may not be the best moment to make such a significant decision as taking their own life.
Engage them in a conversation about their motivations for both living and dying, listening attentively to their responses. Delve deeper into their reasons for living, highlighting the relationships with people they cherish and those who care for them. Foster a sense of empowerment in taking responsibility for their safety and well-being.
Help Guide them to find support
Reassure them that sharing their feelings was the right choice and that, with support, these emotions can be managed. Help them think of self-help ideas and encourage them to seek treatment. Ask gentle questions like, "Have you considered talking to your GP?" or "What do you think might help?"
Offer practical support based on their needs, whether it’s assistance with daily tasks or help in communicating with healthcare professionals. Encourage them to seek help they feel comfortable with, whether from a doctor, a counsellor, or a charity like the Samaritans. You can help them plan what to say and offer to accompany them if they’d like.
A great selection of contacts and helpful resources for support that you can signpost them to can be found on our website HERE.
Ensure that they are not left alone when they are feeling distressed
Stay with them as much as possible, or share the responsibility with others, if the person you are supporting is comfortable with that. If you cannot be with them in person, arrange to check in regularly via phone or text. Make sure someone is with them if they are in immediate danger.
Don't make promises you can't keep
Experiencing suicidal thoughts can be extremely frightening for both the individual and those around them. You may feel pressured to say anything to help them feel better. However, making promises you can't keep when someone is in a vulnerable state can do more harm than good. If you're unable to provide support, it's important to reach out to someone who can.
Don’t take responsibility for ‘fixing’ things
It's important to understand that no matter how close you are to someone, you cannot take on the responsibility for their life or the challenges they are facing. While it's natural to want to help, offering solutions or suggestions such as “Have you thought about this?” or “You should try that” may not be what they need at the moment. Instead, the most valuable thing you can do is to simply be there to listen. By being present and allowing them to share their thoughts, you create a safe space for them to express their feelings. This can be difficult to witness at times, but it may help them realise the depth of what they are going through and encourage them to seek the assistance they need.
Ask if they have a crisis plan or safety plan.
A safety (or crisis) plan is a useful tool designed to help someone in crisis manage their feelings and urges, particularly when they are feeling suicidal. This plan outlines effective coping strategies and provides a means for the individual to communicate the support they may need in order to move forward. It serves as a toolkit for managing difficult emotions.
If the person does not already have a safety plan, you could offer to assist them in creating one, especially if feeling suicidal is a recurring issue for them. It's also possible that they may already have a plan if they have previously experienced suicidal thoughts or are being supported by the NHS mental health team.
It may be beneficial for you to have a copy of their crisis plan stored safely, so you know how to assist them in times of crisis. You can ask if they are willing to share a copy with you, but it's essential to respect their choice whether or not they want to do so.
If they don’t already have a safety plan and are interested in creating one with you can find some helpful resources on our website HERE.
Don’t try to cope alone
It’s important to remember that you shouldn’t try to handle this situation alone. Avoid promising the person secrecy, as this could leave you with the sole responsibility for their well-being and their thoughts of suicide. Instead, encourage them to seek professional help. Promising to keep things confidential might prevent you from getting them the assistance they need without compromising their trust in you. If possible, connect the person to additional support as quickly as you can. In an emergency, you may feel that you have no choice but to reach out to others for help, which could ultimately result in breaking their trust in you.
Don’t drastically change the way you treat them or the things that you do together
Someone may experience suicidal thoughts for an extended period or just once. Regardless, the way you treat them can significantly impact your relationship. It's crucial that they don't feel as though your entire relationship revolves around their suicidal feelings.
To maintain a healthy connection, continue doing the activities you usually enjoy together. You may need to adjust these activities based on their mood, but try not to cancel plans entirely. Spending time with others can help lift their spirits.
Be quietly aware of their feelings, but avoid treating them differently. If you suddenly start to baby them or hover anxiously as if you expect them to harm themselves the moment you look away, it may only worsen their feelings.
What if they don’t know why they feel like this?
It’s heartbreaking when someone feels suicidal without being able to understand why. This situation can be incredibly frustrating for those who care about them, especially when everything seems fine on the outside. You might find yourself wondering why they won’t open up or accept the support you’re offering.
For the person experiencing these feelings, there may be guilt about the worry they’re causing you. This can make it even more difficult for them to reach out for help. They might start acting differently—becoming more withdrawn or irritable—which can create tension at home and make it hard for both of you to express how you truly feel.
Through it all, the most important thing you can do is simply be there for them, providing a compassionate presence and offering support in whatever way they may need.
You can find more suggestions of how to support someone on via the following links:
If someone you know has a history of suicidal thoughts or is reacting to a significant event, it’s crucial to know how to help them if their feelings suddenly intensify and they are at risk of harming themselves, particularly when usual support services are unavailable.
If you suspect a person is in immediate danger of hurting or killing themselves, here are some tips for managing the crisis and keeping them safe until professional help arrives. Remember that each situation is unique, and thoughts of suicide can escalate in different ways.
- Do not leave them alone: If you aren’t there in person and can’t get there in a timely fashion contact someone who can. Keep them online or on the phone with you until help can arrive in person. Make sure you or somebody else can stay with them until they are seen by someone from the mental health team.
- Go through their Safety Plan with them, if they have one
- Remove anything they could use to harm themselves: For example: sharp objects such as razor blades and knives, cleaning products, drugs or medication, and belts, cords, wires and rope.
- Stay calm: Keeping calm with a relaxed tone and body language can help the person to keep calm themselves.
- Do not invade their personal space: When someone we care about is in distress, we naturally want to help them escape danger, especially if they are contemplating suicide. However, it's important to give them space and avoid sudden movements that could startle them.
- Get help: Contact their GP for an emergency appointment or call 111 (option 2). Ring the Samaritans on 116 123. They’re open 24/7.
Call 999 or take them to their nearest A&E if they are in immediate danger or have already harmed themselvesadvice:Call 999 or take them to their nearest A&E if they are in immediate danger or have already harmed themselves
You may find yourself in a situation where someone you’re communicating with online seems to be experiencing suicidal thoughts. This could be a close friend or just an acquaintance from a forum or gaming community. It’s natural to feel uncertain about their age or even their location, but what matters most is your desire to help. Knowing how to respond when someone shares such deep feelings can make a significant difference and could even save a life. Your support and understanding can mean the world to someone in crisis.
Below are a variety of ways that you can help even without being there in person.
- Keep them online and talking: If you can, send them a direct or private message to check in.
- Signpost them to support: You can offer to assist them in finding support options if you feel comfortable. There are services with trained advisers, like Samaritans or Shout. If the person you are talking to is under 18, encourage them to reach out to a friend or family member. You can also direct them to Childline if they want to speak to someone confidentially. If they live outside the UK, Child Helpline International has a directory of local child helplines available in other countries.
- Report content to the platform you're using: Many social media sites have a process to get help for users who post content about being suicidal. To learn more, visit the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline’s webpage about safety and support on social media. Reporting this content might help someone access support.
- Contact emergency services if they've harmed themselves: If they let you know they've hurt themselves or taken steps to take their own life, you can call emergency services for them. You will need to know their name and the address of where they are to do that.
Samaritans also has a section about supporting someone online that you may find helpful.
If you know someone who is talking about suicide or has attempted it, you may find yourself feeling a whirlwind of emotions—upset, frustrated, confused, guilty, angry, or scared. It's completely understandable to feel overwhelmed and even blame yourself or question if there’s something you could have done differently. You might also find that you start experiencing suicidal feelings yourself. These feelings are a natural response to such a difficult situation and are perfectly normal.
When you’re caring for someone who is struggling, it’s easy to become so focused on their well-being that you forget to take care of yourself. Supporting someone in such a vulnerable place can be incredibly taxing emotionally, and it’s okay to acknowledge that. Remember, your feelings are valid too, and taking care of yourself is just as important as being there for them. Here are some suggestions that might help you find a balance:
Take some time to concentrate on yourself.
It's common to feel like you should dedicate all your time and energy to supporting a friend or relative, which can lead to feelings of guilt when you want time for yourself. However, it's essential to remember that taking care of yourself is just as important in order to effectively support others.
Creating a safety plan with the person you’re concerned about can help ease your mind. This plan can outline strategies they can use to help themselves, as well as other sources of support available to them.
Prioritising your physical and mental health is crucial. This includes ensuring you get enough sleep, eat regular meals, and engage in activities that you enjoy or find relaxing.
Share the responsibility, if you can
Being the sole support for someone can be a heavy burden, especially if you're handling it alone. If the person you're supporting is open to it, consider reaching out to other individuals who might also be able to help. This way, you can share the responsibility together.
Be kind to yourself
It can be hard to accept that someone close to you feels suicidal. Some people worry that they're to blame if someone else feels suicidal, or if the person doesn't feel better. But it's important not to blame yourself for what's happening. If you have these sorts of worries talk to someone. There are organisations that support people impacted by suicidal feelings.
Find support for yourself
Even if you love the person, supporting someone with suicidal feelings can be overwhelming and mentally and emotionally exhausting. It’s perfectly acceptable to need help or want to talk to someone about your worries.
You could do one or more of the following:
- Talk to friends and family
- Call a helpline: You likely already have access to a list of support organisations to help someone who is suicidal. These helplines can also help you.
- Talk to your GP about medication, talking therapies, or counselling for yourself.
- Join a peer support group: You can get peer support through carer support services or carers groups. You can search for local groups in your area on the internet. Rethink Mental Illness has a great page for searching for peer support groups HERE.
- Join online support forums and groups.
- Get a carer's assessment done: Many people don’t see themselves as carers, but if you provide significant emotional or practical support to someone, you are one. A carer’s assessment determines how your caring role affects your health and identifies any support you may need. If eligible, you might receive assistance from social services. You can find out more details about how to do this HERE.
- Join a carers service: They are free and available in most areas. You can look on the following websites Carers UK: www.carersuk.org and Carers Trust: www.carers.org/search/network-partners